The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
