I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
