Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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