He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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