you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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