Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
