I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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