I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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