Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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