how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
