During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
