someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
