Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
