Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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