And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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