I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
