Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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