Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
