i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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