We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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