I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
