your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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