your parents love me but you hate me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no, he came in my armpit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
