I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
