I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
