hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
