just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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