we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
