dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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