im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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