ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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