He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
