The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
