do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's like iHOP with fire
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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