theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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