I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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