walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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