Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
