don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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