I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize