Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
