Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
