all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
