the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
