Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
