My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
