thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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