She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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