matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
