I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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