I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
