Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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