You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
