My liver just broke up with me...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
