is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
