I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
