This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
