Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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