he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?