Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...

(203): View more from Connecticut

Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings

(202): View more from Washington, DC

But what if he licks everyones ass?

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(202): So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking... (203): Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings (202): But what if he licks everyones ass? http://tfl.nu/5mfw

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(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple

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(615): Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple http://tfl.nu/4fv0

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

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(901): Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks. http://tfl.nu/cmzt

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(831): View more from California

i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.

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(831): i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse. http://tfl.nu/jxr4

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(770): View more from Georgia

finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.

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(770): finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome. http://tfl.nu/2tsh

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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(860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.

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(203): It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work. http://tfl.nu/tfd2

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(480): View more from Arizona

How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

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(480): How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night? http://tfl.nu/kz3y

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(662): View more from Mississippi

In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

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(662): In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today" http://tfl.nu/6cpx

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(212): View more from New York

Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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(212): Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom. http://tfl.nu/fuov

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(859): View more from Kentucky

how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?

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(859): how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong? http://tfl.nu/c3b4

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(404): View more from Georgia

This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend

(917): View more from New York City

Yeah but those French chicks did get naked

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(404): This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend (917): Yeah but those French chicks did get naked http://tfl.nu/3ob7

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(+61): View more from Australia

Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.

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(+61): Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on. http://tfl.nu/q17g

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(216): View more from Ohio

Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight

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(216): Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight http://tfl.nu/4usg

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