Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!