I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
