Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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