my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm always down for nudity.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
