Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
3 2 1 whiskey
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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