I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
