i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
