they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
