don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
