Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
