Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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